First thing am results in: no pukey, feel better in some ways than Ondansetron days a bit worse in some. I've got a decent hypothesis of interpretation to what's up, I'm going to talk to my Oncologist about it. Taking the set of experiences I have and analyzing them this is my best guess.
One of the biggest nausea reactions to the temozolomide is actually the reaction of the stomach to produce excess acid in response to its strong alkaloid nature. The Ondansetron neutralizes the stomachs ability to do this, producing an easy absorb area with a more neutral PH. The upside is calm, easy stomach through the night. The downside is greater residual absorption and the need to reset your stomach PH during the day either by natural production or supplementation. This is why I felt the compulsive need to drink lemon water all the time after getting off zantac and onto ondansetron. My interpretations were somewhat correct but were giving too much positive credit to the alkaloid production in the stomach and not enough negative credit to the acid production being negated by the ondansetron. This is likely the underlying reason for my stomach getting so high maintenance this cycle as well. Having production negated and then resumed over and over of acidity it likely found that a significant strain and was able to produce less and less as the cycle progressed. Without the ondansetron last night though my stomach was able to respond with significant acid production. I felt not acid reflux but a distinctly active and somewhat discomforted with a mild sensation of burning stomach this morning upon waking. My initial instinct was to neutralize the PH with something basic, which I believe is what I was doing previously with coffee. The swift reaction of the mild base of coffee and cream to my highly acidic stomach was the exothermic reaction producing my mild vomits and dislodging of throat mucus for my first 7 months. Perhaps that was actually a valuable cleansing action. I think I'll try an extremely strong black coffee hot as I can handle to start the day today as a cleansing experience. This is drawing inspiration from another blog I read by an old friend of mine Emily http://unravelingramblings.blogspot.ca/ and a recent experience of hers using tobacco for a similar reaction to what I'm thinking may happen with coffee..
I'll explain as best I can what I'm looking for here/thinking of. I'm thinking my body wants to clean any residual poison left from the chemo, from the lining of its stomach and esophagus. The experience I read of a shaman espoused the value of a body's reaction to a mild poison, in their case tobacco, inducing a reactionary vomit which produces a cleansing. After my own sense of significant response to reducing the mucus lining of my G.I. tract, my hypothesis is this is the underlying physical goal of this process. (As an aside to Emily if you read this, I know to consider a scientific/physical representation a complete picture of the experience is a reductionary account.)
Okay so yeah! Hypothesis confirmed! I left to try it without finishing so I'm just going to write the results in as part of the same writeup. It totally worked and felt awesome. I made a large cup of black espresso coffee in a stovetop espresso pot or whatever, drank it as quick and hot as I could. I felt really good, then a few minutes later felt a sudden need to throw up. It didn't feel like when I'd have a flu or something, it felt really good, like a release. It was the same feeling of throwing up I'd been getting before which I hadn't been able to trust or let myself enjoy. Now that I'd heard someone account of it as a tool for spiritual cleansing, and had that resonate with my desire to reduce mucus lining of my G.I. tract and neutralize PH of my belly, and my quest for self discovery. The fact the example set used tobacco and that resonated with my recent discovery helped me open myself to it. Back to my experience though. I started throwing up. It felt good. After I threw up once out the back door I remembered something I'd discovered before: brushing my teeth, pushing more thoroughly into the back than I used to I found areas with higher mucus production as well as gag triggers. I noticed if I brush the gag trigger in my mouth though it produces a type of vomit which seems to be mostly mucus from the throat, somehow superficial vomit, which resonated with what I felt from the coffee and my regular morning experience, and the idea I was seeking. It also worked with the feeling I had in my belly like it could go for a bit more pukin' but wasn't able to do the job itself. So I went up to the bathroom and triggered it until I had nothing left in the tank. It felt awesome.
Now, I know bulimia is bad. The acid running through the esophagus has strain if I remember correctly, and a decent number of other sides. I'm thinking though, theoretically, a very empty, very acidic stomach reacting with a very hot slightly basic high quantity diluted liquid would actually produce a relatively PH neutral of vomit. My throat really doesn't feel strained. It also seemed like the mucus ejection was able to insulate against the contact with the less neutral contents. I'm going to welcome this into my life as something that can be used with moderation as a tool of cleansing and a feeling of a fresh start. One day I may try it with the tobacco version, but not until I've gone longer since the last time I enjoyed a puff of that addictive, chemically refined herb.
Alongside the physical account of this experience it has held deeper meaning for me. I have felt energy, meaning, something, far beyond what I can account for in my body. Science is the easiest language for me though, the one I can feel safe from lying and arrogance in.
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